As I find a couple of styles for her to mark on my fitting card, she brings me the last few. She hands me a bra known as the "Bombshell". She says it's a little bit different than what I have been looking for, but it will give me 2 more cup sizes. 2 more? Has she not been listening to anything I say? She tells me to try it on with the tshirt they provide in the fitting room, so I can see what my silhouette looks like, that "I'm sure to love it". I proceed, more to humor her than anything else. What I see in the mirror is laughable. I'm 5'1", weigh 128 pounds, with DD's? It just doesn't make sense. I ask her, "Do a lot of women want this?", pointing to my ridiculous bust. She replies with a coy smile and says, "it's one of our best sellers". I thank her for her time and let her know that it's not what I'm looking for, and that I will stick with my full coverage, comfortable, not sexy, everyday bras.
Victoria's Secret, though kind of silly, reminded me of the verse from Proverbs 31, 25-31:
She is clothed with strength and dignity;
she can laugh at the days to come.
26 She speaks with wisdom,
and faithful instruction is on her tongue.
27 She watches over the affairs of her household
and does not eat the bread of idleness.
28 Her children arise and call her blessed;
her husband also, and he praises her:
29 “Many women do noble things,
but you surpass them all.”
30 Charm is deceptive, and beauty is fleeting;
but a woman who fears the Lord is to be praised.
31 Honor her for all that her hands have done,
and let her works bring her praise at the city gate.
Strength and dignity were the last thing I felt dressed in when I tried on the "Bombshell". I could imagine the uninvited stares, the jabs to a buddy, the whistles and honking of rude men who act as though they are flattering me.
I have had to make a conscious effort to stop chasing the "Unicorn of Sexiness" that Victoria's Secret (and others) are trying to sell me. I will never look like the models, the ads, the "bombshell" because they are not real. They do not exist. They are airbrushed, starved, 18 year old girls who are wearing bras that ad 2 cups sizes to their breasts that are possibly artificial to begin with. Sexiness is not hipbones, collarbones, or a size 2. Sexiness exudes a woman who is comfortable and dignified. And you know what? My husband thinks I'm sexy all the time. He loves me and cherishes me, exactly as I am. He loves me when I haven't showered for 2 days. When my legs are not shaved. When I am holding our children. When I manage the affairs of our household well. When my hands are not idle. When I speak wisdom. When faithful instruction is on my tongue for our children. When I fear the Lord. Sexiness does exist, it just doesn't look like what the world has told us it does.
I am as likely to see the picture on the left in my mirror as I am to see the picture on the right. Stop chasing the unicorn.