Here I am. Yes, it’s been a long, long time. Two years later, two kids later. I can’t say that I’m over the struggles of my previous blog posts, but I can say I am moving forward.
Moving away from bitterness into reflection.
Moving beyond pity and into gratefulness.
I believe that my struggle to have children made me a stronger person, but I still can’t go so far to say that I would do it again. That I enjoyed it. That I see why it happened the way that it did. I just can’t go that far.
I can say “God used it” in the same way I can make sense of God using other painful things to teach a lesson. That is to say, “I just don’t get it”.
But here I am. I hug my kids a little tighter. I am uberly aware of what comes out of my mouth, as I know that some unintentional words can hurt so badly. I cringe at Mother’s Day in church, when I know that there are women sitting around me who feel the carnations being passed out, daggers, reminding them of their own daily turmoil. I’ve been there. And I wouldn’t do it again.
But what do I do now? How do I move from being the women who was “infertile”, “unlucky”, “barren” into motherhood? I don’t know, but I’m going to try. I might mess up and hurt feelings, but please know that it’s not intentional. I may talk about my kids at an obnoxious level, but know that it is only because I remember what it was like without them. So here I go.
I have not written in this blog for two years, but in those two years I still had over 400 views. I had random people and friends contact me, asking me to write again. Thank you, if that was you. I was so encouraged. In blog world, that is not much, but it did give me some hope for writing again. I’ll talk more about that later. And no, this entire blog will not be about my previous infertility struggles, but just about me, my life, my thoughts, and who I am striving to be. Encourage me to continue writing by following my blog, reading it, and sharing with me about what you think. I WILL be writing on here more frequently, so join me on my journey.
Emily
Moving away from bitterness into reflection.
Moving beyond pity and into gratefulness.
I believe that my struggle to have children made me a stronger person, but I still can’t go so far to say that I would do it again. That I enjoyed it. That I see why it happened the way that it did. I just can’t go that far.
I can say “God used it” in the same way I can make sense of God using other painful things to teach a lesson. That is to say, “I just don’t get it”.
But here I am. I hug my kids a little tighter. I am uberly aware of what comes out of my mouth, as I know that some unintentional words can hurt so badly. I cringe at Mother’s Day in church, when I know that there are women sitting around me who feel the carnations being passed out, daggers, reminding them of their own daily turmoil. I’ve been there. And I wouldn’t do it again.
But what do I do now? How do I move from being the women who was “infertile”, “unlucky”, “barren” into motherhood? I don’t know, but I’m going to try. I might mess up and hurt feelings, but please know that it’s not intentional. I may talk about my kids at an obnoxious level, but know that it is only because I remember what it was like without them. So here I go.
I have not written in this blog for two years, but in those two years I still had over 400 views. I had random people and friends contact me, asking me to write again. Thank you, if that was you. I was so encouraged. In blog world, that is not much, but it did give me some hope for writing again. I’ll talk more about that later. And no, this entire blog will not be about my previous infertility struggles, but just about me, my life, my thoughts, and who I am striving to be. Encourage me to continue writing by following my blog, reading it, and sharing with me about what you think. I WILL be writing on here more frequently, so join me on my journey.
Emily