Tonight Titus threw up. Again. This time, Erik and I called it a "vomit victory" as we were able to make it to the bathroom in time for said vomiting. Vomit was not on me, my husband, our couch or rug- A true vomiting win.
Bodily fluids are one of those things that are just not a big deal anymore; something I could never understand pre-children. Having poop, pee, boogers, or old food on my clothing is fairly typical, as is showering 2-3 times per week. At this stage of my life, I remember I need to shave my legs when I feel that tinge of "letting myself go" embarrassment as Erik gives me a foot and leg massage. I realized I had gone full Chewbacca on him.
Bodily fluids are one of those things that are just not a big deal anymore; something I could never understand pre-children. Having poop, pee, boogers, or old food on my clothing is fairly typical, as is showering 2-3 times per week. At this stage of my life, I remember I need to shave my legs when I feel that tinge of "letting myself go" embarrassment as Erik gives me a foot and leg massage. I realized I had gone full Chewbacca on him.
I see now how critical, cynical, and mean I was to all of those before me who were treading the waters of parenthood. I would look at a woman and say, "Man, she has really let herself go" or make a snide remark about how dirty so-and-so's house was.
I am lame. I am so sorry. I was so unaware. I never realized that I could legitimately clean my house for hours only to have it destroyed as soon as my children awake. Seriously, you cannot tell I vacuum at all sometimes, but I vacuum my living room at least three times a day. I don't fold clothes anymore, I literally just sift through a pile of clean clothes at the bottom of my closet. I wore the same makeup three days in a row last week. Gross? Yes. Necessary? Absolutely. And time for exercise sounds like a wonderful idea; I know all of the "you have to make time for it" arguments, but dear lord, when? Should I sleep 5 hours a day? Maybe shower once a week? I don't know, maybe someone single and childless can school me on how to pick up a few extra hours a week, I know I certainly had it all figured out back then. Some women can do it all. I've had to learn (and am still learning) that I've done enough.
So to you, vomit and messy house and hairy legs, I salute. I am a better person because of you. I have far more grace, forgiveness, and patience with others. I, for the first time, truly understand what it means to be completely mentally and physically taxed. I can finally see beyond a person's messiness (heck, sometimes I don't even notice anymore!), look past their unkept hair, makeup-less face and see them outside of these things. Before my children, I don't believe I ever fully knew what sacrifice was. What exhaustion was. Parenting is hard, but I am assuredly a better person now than I could have become on my own.
My children have continued the sanctification that my marriage started. As they stretch me, I am made more holy. God is slowly and surely using my family to root out my selfishness and self-reliance. I must continually remind myself that I no longer live for myself, but Christ alone.
"I have been crucified with Christ; and it is no longer I who live, but Christ lives in me; and the life which I now live in the flesh I live by faith in the Son of God, who loved me and gave Himself up for me. - Galatians 2:20.
I am lame. I am so sorry. I was so unaware. I never realized that I could legitimately clean my house for hours only to have it destroyed as soon as my children awake. Seriously, you cannot tell I vacuum at all sometimes, but I vacuum my living room at least three times a day. I don't fold clothes anymore, I literally just sift through a pile of clean clothes at the bottom of my closet. I wore the same makeup three days in a row last week. Gross? Yes. Necessary? Absolutely. And time for exercise sounds like a wonderful idea; I know all of the "you have to make time for it" arguments, but dear lord, when? Should I sleep 5 hours a day? Maybe shower once a week? I don't know, maybe someone single and childless can school me on how to pick up a few extra hours a week, I know I certainly had it all figured out back then. Some women can do it all. I've had to learn (and am still learning) that I've done enough.
So to you, vomit and messy house and hairy legs, I salute. I am a better person because of you. I have far more grace, forgiveness, and patience with others. I, for the first time, truly understand what it means to be completely mentally and physically taxed. I can finally see beyond a person's messiness (heck, sometimes I don't even notice anymore!), look past their unkept hair, makeup-less face and see them outside of these things. Before my children, I don't believe I ever fully knew what sacrifice was. What exhaustion was. Parenting is hard, but I am assuredly a better person now than I could have become on my own.
My children have continued the sanctification that my marriage started. As they stretch me, I am made more holy. God is slowly and surely using my family to root out my selfishness and self-reliance. I must continually remind myself that I no longer live for myself, but Christ alone.
"I have been crucified with Christ; and it is no longer I who live, but Christ lives in me; and the life which I now live in the flesh I live by faith in the Son of God, who loved me and gave Himself up for me. - Galatians 2:20.
Everyday, when I fail or just can't be everything I and everyone else expects of me, I just remember that Jesus already thought so much of me that He gave himself up. It is not because of anything I have earned, no gold-star parenting award or wife of the year trophy, but because of grace alone. No matter your stage of life, know that struggle, and fatigue, and challenges are God's way of making us more like himself; we are holy, sanctified, and redeemed through the muck of life.