As I approach 30, I am so thankful that I am not who I was at 20... but do I really like who I have become? The good news is that if I don’t like “me”, I am far from done with change. But what I want to know is, how do I find contentment in the NOW of who I am? How do I embrace “Emily” as I walk into 30, especially in terms of my body
When I was in my early 20’s, I would scoff at the older women around me who could not just let some things go. I would vow that when I “got to be their age”, I would do this...and that... and never be like THEM. But as my body begins to become increasingly resistant to my nudging about staying thin; as I begin to find grey strands in my hair, I realize the allure of trying to stay young. I can empathize with feeling the need to compete with younger women who’s bodies have not been “compromised” by a life growing inside of them. I can understand how we can get reeled into desperation to be anything but our own age. How do I embrace aging with grace, dignity, and humor- because surely my body will never go in the other direction!
Here are three things I’ve had to let go of in order to find contentment with who I am NOW, and begin the process of aging gracefully.
I have had to let go of:
1. Clothes that are too small.
After having a three babies, I have had to embrace the way my body feels and fits into clothes. I am 3 sizes larger than I was before I started having children. And the healthiest thing I ever did for myself was get rid of the size 4’s sitting in my closet. The daily taunting of what I “used to look like” wasn’t healthy for me anymore. If I lose a little more weight, I can buy myself something then, no need to hold onto what “used to be”.
2. Clothes that are too big.
I found I was keeping clothes I didn’t like just because they were a larger size, “in case I got fat again”. Yes, I would actually say that to myself. One: I was never really fat. Two: Even if I did get fat, I don’t like these clothes, so why would I keep them to wear? I hadn’t realized that it was a form of punishment- a way that I could threaten myself into trying to lose weight. My fat clothes had to go.
3. Exercising to lose weight.
Losing weight was never difficult for me... until I actually needed to lose weight. When I was already in shape, I could go for a run three times a week and maintain a great body. When I weighed 150 pounds after having my third baby and did almost no exercise while pregnant (I know, I know, my own fault), losing weight is a lot harder than a little exercise here and there. I have to think about exercise on a larger scale: whole body health, feeling good, increased energy, higher quality of life. It makes exercising worth it, even if the pounds don’t melt off.
There are many other things I have done, but these are the three that stand out to me as a starting point for graceful aging- I refuse to become a woman who is unhappy with WHO I AM NOW. I won’t ever look like I did at 20 again. And that’s okay. I’m not supposed to. Instead, I will begin to seek ways to embrace 30... and 35... and 50 with dignity.