Some lies have crept slowly upon me, while other lies I have embraced for many, many years. It seems that the older I get, the deeper that the lies seem to cut into me. I can’t shake them, and many nights, I toss and turn as the incessant barrage overwhelms me. I eventually get out of bed, hoping to numb the pain and anxiety that often accompanies these moments. I browse through Pinterest or watch something in my Netflix cue- anything to get my mind to stop for a moment- to stop the assault of malicious, anti-Emily propaganda that runs through my head.
Tonight is no exception. I tossed and turned, worried about some silly daily tasks (I really need to wash these sheets; the dishes in the sink are probably going to smell tomorrow). I worried about my marriage (Oh, God, I think it’s been a week since we had sex. Are we ok? Is he ok?). Worried about my kids (I really need to put another lock on the French doors so Titus can’t open them), and so on. These are distractions, little things meant to wear me out, so that I’m really worked up when these thoughts start:” Am I not physically attractive anymore with this post-baby body?”, “I yelled at Titus today, maybe I’m not a good mom”, “I didn’t call my friend again today; they probably don’t want to hear from me anyway.”
Satan is really crafty, especially when it comes to crafting lies.
His mouth is full of lies and threats; trouble and evil are under his tongue.
Psalm 10:7
Unfortunately, instead of taking these things to the Lord, I usually just try to numb them, make the pain stop by distracting myself (TV, internet, a book). Busyness. In fact, I did not write for a very long time because of a lie that I believed, “You have nothing to say and no one wants to listen”. I am challenging myself to deal with the pain of these lies, and rather than numbing them with a task to do or a show to watch, I am trying to bring them to the Lord. Write in my journal. Pray. Sit in silence and let God vindicate me as the wife, mother, and friend that I believe he desires for me to be.
I hope that you will join me. It’s going to be hard, because if you are like me, you have built up a defense system that gets you through the day, a system of distracters and ways to turn your mind off. Before turning on a movie, I want to ask myself, “Am I trying to avoid dealing with something else? Is there something I need to bring before the Lord right now?” I hope that I will begin to find healing and that God will vindicate me, shedding light upon those lies that I have believed.
The LORD will vindicate me; your love, LORD, endures forever-- do not abandon the works of your hands.
Psalm 138:8
Tonight is no exception. I tossed and turned, worried about some silly daily tasks (I really need to wash these sheets; the dishes in the sink are probably going to smell tomorrow). I worried about my marriage (Oh, God, I think it’s been a week since we had sex. Are we ok? Is he ok?). Worried about my kids (I really need to put another lock on the French doors so Titus can’t open them), and so on. These are distractions, little things meant to wear me out, so that I’m really worked up when these thoughts start:” Am I not physically attractive anymore with this post-baby body?”, “I yelled at Titus today, maybe I’m not a good mom”, “I didn’t call my friend again today; they probably don’t want to hear from me anyway.”
Satan is really crafty, especially when it comes to crafting lies.
His mouth is full of lies and threats; trouble and evil are under his tongue.
Psalm 10:7
Unfortunately, instead of taking these things to the Lord, I usually just try to numb them, make the pain stop by distracting myself (TV, internet, a book). Busyness. In fact, I did not write for a very long time because of a lie that I believed, “You have nothing to say and no one wants to listen”. I am challenging myself to deal with the pain of these lies, and rather than numbing them with a task to do or a show to watch, I am trying to bring them to the Lord. Write in my journal. Pray. Sit in silence and let God vindicate me as the wife, mother, and friend that I believe he desires for me to be.
I hope that you will join me. It’s going to be hard, because if you are like me, you have built up a defense system that gets you through the day, a system of distracters and ways to turn your mind off. Before turning on a movie, I want to ask myself, “Am I trying to avoid dealing with something else? Is there something I need to bring before the Lord right now?” I hope that I will begin to find healing and that God will vindicate me, shedding light upon those lies that I have believed.
The LORD will vindicate me; your love, LORD, endures forever-- do not abandon the works of your hands.
Psalm 138:8