I suppose the first error was assuming that getting pregnant would be simple. After all, as a woman I am entitled to the reproductive ability to have children, right? Well, two years after no birth control and no babies, it seems that this reproductive priviledge that so many other woman take for granted, is not as guaranteed for me. I grit my teeth and smile as a woman states that "she and her husband weren't even really trying to get pregnant, it just happened", or my personal favorite, that God has "chosen to bless them with a child, knowing that they will be good parents". I get it, but it just seems so... well, disgustingly not true. I've known plenty of infertile couples that I wish could get pregnant, that have amazing faith, compassion, and love, and they just can't. I just don't believe that God is blessing people with children because they will be good parents.
As my barreness becomes more apparent, woman just seem to say more and more inappropriate things to me regarding it. As though their perfectly working, non-issue, reproductive plumbing somehow gives them some inborn wisdom about what it must be like to have two miscarriages and difficulty conceiving in the first place. I don't believe that God appreciates an inappropriatly and rudely used "it rains on the righteous and the unrighteous" or "maybe you just aren't supposed to have children".
And so, what should a Christian response be to infertility and pregnancy loss? Frustrated, I went to the Christian book store, thinking surely they would have some book of solice, wisdom, and comfort on this issue. As I browsed over book upon book about baby names, pregnancy, Christian parenting, divorce, adultury, healthy marriages, and on and on, I found not one book on those shelves that spoke on miscarriage or infertility. Not one book, even though some of the most profound Biblical couples (think Abraham and Sarah) themselves dealt with infertility.
I don't know what to do with my desires for children. I wish I could crawl into a hole, where woman don't flaunt every part of their fertility on facebook, or have to read the names of friend's soon to be born babies- names I have longed to call my own children. I don't want to speak with another woman about how worried she is that she can't get pregnant because she has been trying for 6 months, and I especially don't want to hear wisdom from a woman who's only consolation is to make up false reasons as to why I am not pregnant, and then attempt to back it with reference to Bible or God, because it usually is not. The best thing you can do, and I can do, is be quiet, listen, let a woman who is struggling cry on your shoulder, and pray earnestly for her.
As my barreness becomes more apparent, woman just seem to say more and more inappropriate things to me regarding it. As though their perfectly working, non-issue, reproductive plumbing somehow gives them some inborn wisdom about what it must be like to have two miscarriages and difficulty conceiving in the first place. I don't believe that God appreciates an inappropriatly and rudely used "it rains on the righteous and the unrighteous" or "maybe you just aren't supposed to have children".
And so, what should a Christian response be to infertility and pregnancy loss? Frustrated, I went to the Christian book store, thinking surely they would have some book of solice, wisdom, and comfort on this issue. As I browsed over book upon book about baby names, pregnancy, Christian parenting, divorce, adultury, healthy marriages, and on and on, I found not one book on those shelves that spoke on miscarriage or infertility. Not one book, even though some of the most profound Biblical couples (think Abraham and Sarah) themselves dealt with infertility.
I don't know what to do with my desires for children. I wish I could crawl into a hole, where woman don't flaunt every part of their fertility on facebook, or have to read the names of friend's soon to be born babies- names I have longed to call my own children. I don't want to speak with another woman about how worried she is that she can't get pregnant because she has been trying for 6 months, and I especially don't want to hear wisdom from a woman who's only consolation is to make up false reasons as to why I am not pregnant, and then attempt to back it with reference to Bible or God, because it usually is not. The best thing you can do, and I can do, is be quiet, listen, let a woman who is struggling cry on your shoulder, and pray earnestly for her.