Moving back to Phoenix over one year ago, I knew one of my greatest challenges would be fighting the all-consuming drive to consume, compete, and compare. Six years in New Orleans, as difficult as some of those years were, had readjusted my views of wealth, poverty, and priorities.
I had a lot of incorrect, dehumanizing, and immoral ideas in my head. I remember when I realized that just because a neighborhood was old, it did not mean it was dangerous (a fallacy I had apparently picked up as an adolescent). That just because I was white and those around me weren't, it did not mean I was in danger. That homelessness was not a product of laziness, but more-so a product of inadequate health-care for our mentally-ill citizens and ridiculous housing prices. I could go on, and on, and on with all of the adjustments I had to make; the number of times I had to admit that I was wrong to think that "my ways" were the best ways. Part of it was New Orleans, but part of it was simply getting out of the white, upper middle class, Phoenix suburbs. Returning to the suburbs, now with my own children, I was fearful of forgetting these lessons, or even worse, believing again in terrible lies.
When we bought our house in Phoenix, along with choosing to live inside our means (a novel concept), we also chose to live in an older neighborhood that would have...how do I put this nicely… not just white people. We CHOSE to live in a neighborhood with (gasp!) bus stops. With parks that have black and white and brown children who play together. I like that people still walk around on our streets and not every house looks the same. We live in a house that is not perfect, or new, and has had decades of life. We chose this because we believe that being around people that are different than us is important. We believe that Titus going to school with children not like himself is as at least as significant as how well that school scored on a standardized test. But living here, in this house, in this neighborhood, I get squeamish when people come over, because I see how they look at me when I open the door. How they lock their cars when they leave. How they act as though this "happened" to me. I have even had a few voice concern. Nothing bad has happened to us, or our neighbors; in another city, this would be a perfectly normal, safe, and acceptable home, but these suburbs have higher expectations for me. And I have found myself falling for it. Wondering if I'm putting my family in danger. If we "deserve" a larger house, newer house, better house. And I hate myself for it, because I know that none of these things are true. We have more than enough room. A lovely back yard. And never has anything happened where I have felt my (or my children's) safety compromised.
It is part of the consumer mentality and culture I find myself in, and I have to remind myself that I will always find something "better" if I allow consumption to rule my comfort and decisions. There will always be a cleaner neighborhood (as a funny aside, I had a delightful, though misguided, older couple tell me that a neighborhood had gone "downhill" because the people parked their cars in their driveways, as opposed to garages). There will always be a bigger house. There will always be a newer house. A newer school. A better park. And I find that the people of this city just keep moving further, and further, and further away, hoping to avoid whatever it is that they are avoiding.
And so, I have to constantly remind myself that I am being fed lies. When others look at me with sadness for my lowly state, it is they that have been tricked and misguided. I must tell myself that I am more than a consumer.
Consuming does not bring me joy. In fact, it brings with it the unquenchable desire for more. More. MORE. Consuming financially enslaves me. Consuming makes me find worth in things that are worthless. It makes me compare myself to others based on ridiculous things like the size of my house and how clean my neighbor's yard is. It makes me think that I am a bad mother because my children don't play in master planned and gated communities, when I know that what we have chosen for our children is good. They are having character built rather than feelings of entitlement. We find joy NOT because we like how clean our neighborhood looks, but because we actually have joy. We find joy because we have somewhere to live, where we have room to run in a backyard and a place to lay down at night. We find joy because joy is not in having stuff that is as good or better than everyone else's, but because we have anything at all.
Consuming does not bring my safety. I am not made safe because my house is large or small. I hear people around me who live in nicer, cleaner, "safer" neighborhoods than I, and many live in a state of perpetual fear. Not because they are in any more or less danger than I am, but because their they are guarding the treasure of their hearts- their possessions. I know that no matter where I live, there is evil around me. Having money does not make the people around you less evil. Pedophiles, and rapists, and thieves, and addicts could live in my neighborhood, but they could also live in a beautiful neighborhood in a 3000 sq ft home. Money does not change the heart of a man. I believe that my God is good no matter where I am. He does not promise me safety, but so much more. When I walk away from my home, I have to be able to remind myself that my value is not found there. I cannot control those things. My treasure must be found somewhere else.
Consuming does not affirm me. I am not a good wife, or mother, or daughter, or friend because I have nice things. If I seek attention and affirmation of my value because of an incorrect valuation by incorrect people, what does that do for me? It might make me feel good, but then what? My marriage is not any stronger, my children not any better people. Affirmation and confirmation based on my possessions is a fleeting, good feeling at best. I have never heard someone say, "What made me a better person was getting a larger house". Or, "My children loved me more when we got a new car". Silliness, yes, but if I look for affirmation through those things, that is exactly what I am doing.
Do not hear me incorrectly. God gives us good gifts. He is a generous provider. But I cannot find my value in those things; I cannot live a life consuming, competing, and comparing my way to the top. Just because society has placed value on something does not mean that it is worth valuing. God could very well be protecting me from something I do not see. Take heart, he provides us with what we need, we just need to open our sees to see the great provision we have already been given. I feel extra blessed that he has allowed our family to see these realities and believe that our home, neighborhood, and possessions have given us financial peace and less anxiety than most.
Whenever I think about these things, I can't help but go back to Luke 12: 15-34:
And he said to them, “Take care, and be on your guard against all covetousness, for one's life does not consist in the abundance of his possessions.” 16 And he told them a parable, saying, “The land of a rich man produced plentifully, 17 and he thought to himself, ‘What shall I do, for I have nowhere to store my crops?’ 18 And he said, ‘I will do this: I will tear down my barns and build larger ones, and there I will store all my grain and my goods. 19 And I will say to my soul, “Soul, you have ample goods laid up for many years; relax, eat, drink, be merry.”’20 But God said to him, ‘Fool! This night your soul is required of you, and the things you have prepared, whose will they be?’ 21 So is the one who lays up treasure for himself and is not rich toward God.”
22 And he said to his disciples, “Therefore I tell you, do not be anxious about your life, what you will eat, nor about your body, what you will put on. 23 For life is more than food, and the body more than clothing. 24 Consider the ravens: they neither sow nor reap, they have neither storehouse nor barn, and yet God feeds them. Of how much more value are you than the birds! 25 And which of you by being anxious can add a single hour to his span of life?[a] 26 If then you are not able to do as small a thing as that, why are you anxious about the rest?27 Consider the lilies, how they grow: they neither toil nor spin,[b] yet I tell you, even Solomon in all his glory was not arrayed like one of these. 28 But if God so clothes the grass, which is alive in the field today, and tomorrow is thrown into the oven, how much more will he clothe you, O you of little faith! 29 And do not seek what you are to eat and what you are to drink, nor be worried. 30 For all the nations of the world seek after these things, and your Father knows that you need them. 31 Instead, seek his[c] kingdom, and these things will be added to you.
32 “Fear not, little flock, for it is your Father's good pleasure to give you the kingdom. 33 Sell your possessions, and give to the needy. Provide yourselves with moneybags that do not grow old, with a treasure in the heavens that does not fail, where no thief approaches and no moth destroys. 34 For where your treasure is, there will your heart be also.
Consume not what this world would have you, but instead consume His grace and find contentment where you are.
Emily
I had a lot of incorrect, dehumanizing, and immoral ideas in my head. I remember when I realized that just because a neighborhood was old, it did not mean it was dangerous (a fallacy I had apparently picked up as an adolescent). That just because I was white and those around me weren't, it did not mean I was in danger. That homelessness was not a product of laziness, but more-so a product of inadequate health-care for our mentally-ill citizens and ridiculous housing prices. I could go on, and on, and on with all of the adjustments I had to make; the number of times I had to admit that I was wrong to think that "my ways" were the best ways. Part of it was New Orleans, but part of it was simply getting out of the white, upper middle class, Phoenix suburbs. Returning to the suburbs, now with my own children, I was fearful of forgetting these lessons, or even worse, believing again in terrible lies.
When we bought our house in Phoenix, along with choosing to live inside our means (a novel concept), we also chose to live in an older neighborhood that would have...how do I put this nicely… not just white people. We CHOSE to live in a neighborhood with (gasp!) bus stops. With parks that have black and white and brown children who play together. I like that people still walk around on our streets and not every house looks the same. We live in a house that is not perfect, or new, and has had decades of life. We chose this because we believe that being around people that are different than us is important. We believe that Titus going to school with children not like himself is as at least as significant as how well that school scored on a standardized test. But living here, in this house, in this neighborhood, I get squeamish when people come over, because I see how they look at me when I open the door. How they lock their cars when they leave. How they act as though this "happened" to me. I have even had a few voice concern. Nothing bad has happened to us, or our neighbors; in another city, this would be a perfectly normal, safe, and acceptable home, but these suburbs have higher expectations for me. And I have found myself falling for it. Wondering if I'm putting my family in danger. If we "deserve" a larger house, newer house, better house. And I hate myself for it, because I know that none of these things are true. We have more than enough room. A lovely back yard. And never has anything happened where I have felt my (or my children's) safety compromised.
It is part of the consumer mentality and culture I find myself in, and I have to remind myself that I will always find something "better" if I allow consumption to rule my comfort and decisions. There will always be a cleaner neighborhood (as a funny aside, I had a delightful, though misguided, older couple tell me that a neighborhood had gone "downhill" because the people parked their cars in their driveways, as opposed to garages). There will always be a bigger house. There will always be a newer house. A newer school. A better park. And I find that the people of this city just keep moving further, and further, and further away, hoping to avoid whatever it is that they are avoiding.
And so, I have to constantly remind myself that I am being fed lies. When others look at me with sadness for my lowly state, it is they that have been tricked and misguided. I must tell myself that I am more than a consumer.
Consuming does not bring me joy. In fact, it brings with it the unquenchable desire for more. More. MORE. Consuming financially enslaves me. Consuming makes me find worth in things that are worthless. It makes me compare myself to others based on ridiculous things like the size of my house and how clean my neighbor's yard is. It makes me think that I am a bad mother because my children don't play in master planned and gated communities, when I know that what we have chosen for our children is good. They are having character built rather than feelings of entitlement. We find joy NOT because we like how clean our neighborhood looks, but because we actually have joy. We find joy because we have somewhere to live, where we have room to run in a backyard and a place to lay down at night. We find joy because joy is not in having stuff that is as good or better than everyone else's, but because we have anything at all.
Consuming does not bring my safety. I am not made safe because my house is large or small. I hear people around me who live in nicer, cleaner, "safer" neighborhoods than I, and many live in a state of perpetual fear. Not because they are in any more or less danger than I am, but because their they are guarding the treasure of their hearts- their possessions. I know that no matter where I live, there is evil around me. Having money does not make the people around you less evil. Pedophiles, and rapists, and thieves, and addicts could live in my neighborhood, but they could also live in a beautiful neighborhood in a 3000 sq ft home. Money does not change the heart of a man. I believe that my God is good no matter where I am. He does not promise me safety, but so much more. When I walk away from my home, I have to be able to remind myself that my value is not found there. I cannot control those things. My treasure must be found somewhere else.
Consuming does not affirm me. I am not a good wife, or mother, or daughter, or friend because I have nice things. If I seek attention and affirmation of my value because of an incorrect valuation by incorrect people, what does that do for me? It might make me feel good, but then what? My marriage is not any stronger, my children not any better people. Affirmation and confirmation based on my possessions is a fleeting, good feeling at best. I have never heard someone say, "What made me a better person was getting a larger house". Or, "My children loved me more when we got a new car". Silliness, yes, but if I look for affirmation through those things, that is exactly what I am doing.
Do not hear me incorrectly. God gives us good gifts. He is a generous provider. But I cannot find my value in those things; I cannot live a life consuming, competing, and comparing my way to the top. Just because society has placed value on something does not mean that it is worth valuing. God could very well be protecting me from something I do not see. Take heart, he provides us with what we need, we just need to open our sees to see the great provision we have already been given. I feel extra blessed that he has allowed our family to see these realities and believe that our home, neighborhood, and possessions have given us financial peace and less anxiety than most.
Whenever I think about these things, I can't help but go back to Luke 12: 15-34:
And he said to them, “Take care, and be on your guard against all covetousness, for one's life does not consist in the abundance of his possessions.” 16 And he told them a parable, saying, “The land of a rich man produced plentifully, 17 and he thought to himself, ‘What shall I do, for I have nowhere to store my crops?’ 18 And he said, ‘I will do this: I will tear down my barns and build larger ones, and there I will store all my grain and my goods. 19 And I will say to my soul, “Soul, you have ample goods laid up for many years; relax, eat, drink, be merry.”’20 But God said to him, ‘Fool! This night your soul is required of you, and the things you have prepared, whose will they be?’ 21 So is the one who lays up treasure for himself and is not rich toward God.”
22 And he said to his disciples, “Therefore I tell you, do not be anxious about your life, what you will eat, nor about your body, what you will put on. 23 For life is more than food, and the body more than clothing. 24 Consider the ravens: they neither sow nor reap, they have neither storehouse nor barn, and yet God feeds them. Of how much more value are you than the birds! 25 And which of you by being anxious can add a single hour to his span of life?[a] 26 If then you are not able to do as small a thing as that, why are you anxious about the rest?27 Consider the lilies, how they grow: they neither toil nor spin,[b] yet I tell you, even Solomon in all his glory was not arrayed like one of these. 28 But if God so clothes the grass, which is alive in the field today, and tomorrow is thrown into the oven, how much more will he clothe you, O you of little faith! 29 And do not seek what you are to eat and what you are to drink, nor be worried. 30 For all the nations of the world seek after these things, and your Father knows that you need them. 31 Instead, seek his[c] kingdom, and these things will be added to you.
32 “Fear not, little flock, for it is your Father's good pleasure to give you the kingdom. 33 Sell your possessions, and give to the needy. Provide yourselves with moneybags that do not grow old, with a treasure in the heavens that does not fail, where no thief approaches and no moth destroys. 34 For where your treasure is, there will your heart be also.
Consume not what this world would have you, but instead consume His grace and find contentment where you are.
Emily