Here is a really wonderful article on head covering that a friend sent my way, for those of you who are interested.
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A little over a year ago, I heard a fascinating segment on NPR’s “All Things Considered” that discussed people’s perceptions of themselves and our belief that we are essentially who we will be tomorrow, when, in fact, we are all well aware that we have changed substantially over the past ten years. Yet we neglect this fact when estimating how much we will change in the future, especially in terms of our values, personalities, and preferences. (To check out the original story, go to http://www.npr.org/blogs/health/2013/01/03/168567019/you-cant-see-it-but-youll-be-a-different-person-in-10-years) As I approach 30, I am so thankful that I am not who I was at 20... but do I really like who I have become? The good news is that if I don’t like “me”, I am far from done with change. But what I want to know is, how do I find contentment in the NOW of who I am? How do I embrace “Emily” as I walk into 30, especially in terms of my body When I was in my early 20’s, I would scoff at the older women around me who could not just let some things go. I would vow that when I “got to be their age”, I would do this...and that... and never be like THEM. But as my body begins to become increasingly resistant to my nudging about staying thin; as I begin to find grey strands in my hair, I realize the allure of trying to stay young. I can empathize with feeling the need to compete with younger women who’s bodies have not been “compromised” by a life growing inside of them. I can understand how we can get reeled into desperation to be anything but our own age. How do I embrace aging with grace, dignity, and humor- because surely my body will never go in the other direction! Here are three things I’ve had to let go of in order to find contentment with who I am NOW, and begin the process of aging gracefully. I have had to let go of: 1. Clothes that are too small. After having a three babies, I have had to embrace the way my body feels and fits into clothes. I am 3 sizes larger than I was before I started having children. And the healthiest thing I ever did for myself was get rid of the size 4’s sitting in my closet. The daily taunting of what I “used to look like” wasn’t healthy for me anymore. If I lose a little more weight, I can buy myself something then, no need to hold onto what “used to be”. 2. Clothes that are too big. I found I was keeping clothes I didn’t like just because they were a larger size, “in case I got fat again”. Yes, I would actually say that to myself. One: I was never really fat. Two: Even if I did get fat, I don’t like these clothes, so why would I keep them to wear? I hadn’t realized that it was a form of punishment- a way that I could threaten myself into trying to lose weight. My fat clothes had to go. 3. Exercising to lose weight. Losing weight was never difficult for me... until I actually needed to lose weight. When I was already in shape, I could go for a run three times a week and maintain a great body. When I weighed 150 pounds after having my third baby and did almost no exercise while pregnant (I know, I know, my own fault), losing weight is a lot harder than a little exercise here and there. I have to think about exercise on a larger scale: whole body health, feeling good, increased energy, higher quality of life. It makes exercising worth it, even if the pounds don’t melt off. There are many other things I have done, but these are the three that stand out to me as a starting point for graceful aging- I refuse to become a woman who is unhappy with WHO I AM NOW. I won’t ever look like I did at 20 again. And that’s okay. I’m not supposed to. Instead, I will begin to seek ways to embrace 30... and 35... and 50 with dignity. After my last blog about my conviction on head covering, I was terrified. Literally. Terrified. What if I get nasty comments? Or worse... what if I’m actually held to what I say? What if I change my mind? What about dirty or weird looks I might get? What if?
I am afraid of being labeled as someone who lives under legalism and all of those negative implications. I fear the unknown, but I could not let go of the nagging feeling that I should be wearing a head covering during corporate worship. I know, I have felt, and I believe in the freedom and grace of the gospel of Christ, but how do I wrestle with a conviction that seems so...stringent... strict...restrictive... odd? Am I allowing my fear of legalism to steal the joy out of my obedience? Am I going to allow my fear of judgment from others outweigh my fear of disobedience? And more, can I find joy in the obedience of something like head covering? Because Scripture does not specify what a head covering should look like, for the past two weeks I have worn a large, headband-like cover that covers the top of my head, and it has garnered little to no attention. The head covering serves as a reminder for myself of my choice to submit, as well as being “for the angels” (which I still have no clue about). Because most people around me are unaware of the symbolic representation of submission that the head covering served for the Corinthians (and generations of women before and after), I know that it is serving as a symbol for myself and those few of you who actually read my blog. So, thus far, any fears I have had appear to be unfounded. Maybe someone is snickering about me somewhere, but I cannot allow my fear of that happening steal the joy I may have in following through with a conviction. I hope that this small, socially inconsequential step of faith spurs me to follow through on those scriptural commands that ARE more difficult to follow through on... you know, things like selling all of my possessions and giving them to the poor. Yes, this may get more difficult if those around me begin to challenge me- but what then? Probably not much. Because really, head covering is an easy command in terms of what I have been asked to sacrifice in light of the gospel. I hope that my obedience with something small will give God confidence in my ability to play an even larger part in His great story- in that hope I find great joy. |
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