Two of my least favorite questions to answer are "Where do you work?" and "What do you do?" Since I made the decision to be home, I never know what an appropriate response is. The usual response is a I meek, "I'm just a stay at home mom"; excusing myself from the leasurely and lazy life many questioners assume of the stay at home mother (SAHM for short). Then, I am angry that I said it again. Just? JUST? I am "excusing" my SAHM mom behavior as though there is something to be excused. Let me summarize for you what it means to be a stay at home mom.
First, this was a choice, that we have made a huge sacrifice for. I think many people act as though SAHM moms have no option other than to be at home. Not the case my friends. I had a steady, full time, salaried teaching position that paid me well and had awesome health insurance. I gave that up. The money. The insurance. The job. ALL of IT.
Many people assume that my husband must make a lot of money for me to give up my job. And while he makes enough for us to get by on, it is far from luxurious over at the Thien residence. If you're not a stay at home mom and you're jealous of the "luxurious" lifestyle we get, think again. It's meant moving into a less "nice" neighborhood than many in our squeaky clean Phoenix suburb to afford housing, driving a 13 year old car with 200,000 miles as our primary vehicle (our secondary was given to us by my generous parents, an 18 year old car with 220k). I shop at thrift stores for our clothing, coupon to shop for food, price match at Wal-Mart for produce deals. We have no cable and never have. We have forgone traditional medical insurance and have taken a move of faith to join a Christian health share, because we can't afford healthcare otherwise. I'm not saying these things for anyone to feel bad for us. It was a choice, a sacrifice, and a wonderful decision for our family.
Let's move on to the next subject: What I do with my time. Being at home all day is not all bubble gum and lemon drops. I wake up no later than 6am, if my youngest has allowed me to sleep in that long. I feed him from my own body, usually while checking my email for the day or paying bills online. I then proceed to make breakfast for my youngest, wash dishes from dinner while he eats, feed my youngest solid foods, then clean them up and get them dressed. If I have time, I may go on a 30 minute run (I take the two boys with me, obviously), take them to the park, put my son down for a nap, while I work on the alphabet, numbers, or shapes with my toddler. I make a snack for my oldest, get my baby up, nurse him, get them settled down for lunch, read them books and play dinosaurs, or cars, or blocks, put them down for naps, and now I get my "ME" time. In my ME time I: fold the laundry that washed earlier in the day, clean my bathrooms, vaccuum and mop, dust, prep dinner...you get the idea. When I have finished the chores for the day, I may finally have a chance to take a shower from my stinky run. Somedays, I literally do not get to shower until the boys are in bed. And I forgot to mention all the poop and pee I have been cleaning up all day. Boys wake up, I nurse my baby and give Titus a snack, and then put on a tv show while I make dinner. Some days are different. There is the library on Tuesdays, grocery shopping on Wednesdays, and usually a play date thrown in there somewhere. Back to 5:30: Dinner is made, daddy comes home, we eat. My day is not done. I clean up dinner, We give baths and usually sit down as a family for an hour or so. Then it's time to put the kids to bed and my day is officially done, and I'm exhausted. Start over again at 6am (or 5:30, or 5, or 4 if Jonah is really pushing it).
So, a new response to "What do you do?" and "Where do you work?"
I'm JUST a stay at home mom.
I am JUST the educator of my children, I believe that my children will learn more in my care than in someone else's, expecially as little ones. I also know that during this vital time, I am shaping the character of my children, a job I feel I must ensure is mine.
I JUST sustain my children's physical, emotional, and intellectual needs. I am able to nurse my son throughout the day, make sure my children eat healthy food for their growing bodies. I get to kiss the boo-boos, give hugs, and wipe tears. I get to make them giggle when I dance around the house with them. I get to see that Titus has an interest in the alphabet, the sky, airplanes, and trains and take full advantage of it. I get to see Jonah roll over for the first time, something I missed as I worked when Titus was a baby. I get to hold Jonah and rock him when he is upset during the day.
I JUST support and believe in my husband's work so much that I choose to give up my career in support of his. I believe that what my husband does is just as important if not more important than what I did as a teacher. Being home so he can do his job well IS important. I take the workload from the home front, and I get the benefits of being home for doing so.
I JUST create a home that is safe, clean, and a place of refuge for my family. My home is calmer since I chose to be home. My home is cleaner since I chose to be home. I'm calmer and less stressed since I chose to be home, which is better for my entire family.
I'm really bad at working full time and being a good mom. One was always sacrificed in some way for the other. Some women are better at balancing these roles. I know what my family needs, and they need my undivided attention. I am not JUST anything. I'm not saying I made the choice that is best for everyone, but I certainly made the choice that is best for MY FAMILY. And I believe that is the question mothers must ask themselves. What is best for their FAMILIES? The grass is always greener on the other side, but I think I'm going to camp out on this side for a while longer.
If you are interested in a more scientific approach and look at the SAHM v. Working Mom issue, click the Forbeswoman Study below:
First, this was a choice, that we have made a huge sacrifice for. I think many people act as though SAHM moms have no option other than to be at home. Not the case my friends. I had a steady, full time, salaried teaching position that paid me well and had awesome health insurance. I gave that up. The money. The insurance. The job. ALL of IT.
Many people assume that my husband must make a lot of money for me to give up my job. And while he makes enough for us to get by on, it is far from luxurious over at the Thien residence. If you're not a stay at home mom and you're jealous of the "luxurious" lifestyle we get, think again. It's meant moving into a less "nice" neighborhood than many in our squeaky clean Phoenix suburb to afford housing, driving a 13 year old car with 200,000 miles as our primary vehicle (our secondary was given to us by my generous parents, an 18 year old car with 220k). I shop at thrift stores for our clothing, coupon to shop for food, price match at Wal-Mart for produce deals. We have no cable and never have. We have forgone traditional medical insurance and have taken a move of faith to join a Christian health share, because we can't afford healthcare otherwise. I'm not saying these things for anyone to feel bad for us. It was a choice, a sacrifice, and a wonderful decision for our family.
Let's move on to the next subject: What I do with my time. Being at home all day is not all bubble gum and lemon drops. I wake up no later than 6am, if my youngest has allowed me to sleep in that long. I feed him from my own body, usually while checking my email for the day or paying bills online. I then proceed to make breakfast for my youngest, wash dishes from dinner while he eats, feed my youngest solid foods, then clean them up and get them dressed. If I have time, I may go on a 30 minute run (I take the two boys with me, obviously), take them to the park, put my son down for a nap, while I work on the alphabet, numbers, or shapes with my toddler. I make a snack for my oldest, get my baby up, nurse him, get them settled down for lunch, read them books and play dinosaurs, or cars, or blocks, put them down for naps, and now I get my "ME" time. In my ME time I: fold the laundry that washed earlier in the day, clean my bathrooms, vaccuum and mop, dust, prep dinner...you get the idea. When I have finished the chores for the day, I may finally have a chance to take a shower from my stinky run. Somedays, I literally do not get to shower until the boys are in bed. And I forgot to mention all the poop and pee I have been cleaning up all day. Boys wake up, I nurse my baby and give Titus a snack, and then put on a tv show while I make dinner. Some days are different. There is the library on Tuesdays, grocery shopping on Wednesdays, and usually a play date thrown in there somewhere. Back to 5:30: Dinner is made, daddy comes home, we eat. My day is not done. I clean up dinner, We give baths and usually sit down as a family for an hour or so. Then it's time to put the kids to bed and my day is officially done, and I'm exhausted. Start over again at 6am (or 5:30, or 5, or 4 if Jonah is really pushing it).
So, a new response to "What do you do?" and "Where do you work?"
I'm JUST a stay at home mom.
I am JUST the educator of my children, I believe that my children will learn more in my care than in someone else's, expecially as little ones. I also know that during this vital time, I am shaping the character of my children, a job I feel I must ensure is mine.
I JUST sustain my children's physical, emotional, and intellectual needs. I am able to nurse my son throughout the day, make sure my children eat healthy food for their growing bodies. I get to kiss the boo-boos, give hugs, and wipe tears. I get to make them giggle when I dance around the house with them. I get to see that Titus has an interest in the alphabet, the sky, airplanes, and trains and take full advantage of it. I get to see Jonah roll over for the first time, something I missed as I worked when Titus was a baby. I get to hold Jonah and rock him when he is upset during the day.
I JUST support and believe in my husband's work so much that I choose to give up my career in support of his. I believe that what my husband does is just as important if not more important than what I did as a teacher. Being home so he can do his job well IS important. I take the workload from the home front, and I get the benefits of being home for doing so.
I JUST create a home that is safe, clean, and a place of refuge for my family. My home is calmer since I chose to be home. My home is cleaner since I chose to be home. I'm calmer and less stressed since I chose to be home, which is better for my entire family.
I'm really bad at working full time and being a good mom. One was always sacrificed in some way for the other. Some women are better at balancing these roles. I know what my family needs, and they need my undivided attention. I am not JUST anything. I'm not saying I made the choice that is best for everyone, but I certainly made the choice that is best for MY FAMILY. And I believe that is the question mothers must ask themselves. What is best for their FAMILIES? The grass is always greener on the other side, but I think I'm going to camp out on this side for a while longer.
If you are interested in a more scientific approach and look at the SAHM v. Working Mom issue, click the Forbeswoman Study below: