I am afraid of being labeled as someone who lives under legalism and all of those negative implications. I fear the unknown, but I could not let go of the nagging feeling that I should be wearing a head covering during corporate worship.
I know, I have felt, and I believe in the freedom and grace of the gospel of Christ, but how do I wrestle with a conviction that seems so...stringent... strict...restrictive... odd? Am I allowing my fear of legalism to steal the joy out of my obedience? Am I going to allow my fear of judgment from others outweigh my fear of disobedience? And more, can I find joy in the obedience of something like head covering?
Because Scripture does not specify what a head covering should look like, for the past two weeks I have worn a large, headband-like cover that covers the top of my head, and it has garnered little to no attention. The head covering serves as a reminder for myself of my choice to submit, as well as being “for the angels” (which I still have no clue about). Because most people around me are unaware of the symbolic representation of submission that the head covering served for the Corinthians (and generations of women before and after), I know that it is serving as a symbol for myself and those few of you who actually read my blog.
So, thus far, any fears I have had appear to be unfounded. Maybe someone is snickering about me somewhere, but I cannot allow my fear of that happening steal the joy I may have in following through with a conviction. I hope that this small, socially inconsequential step of faith spurs me to follow through on those scriptural commands that ARE more difficult to follow through on... you know, things like selling all of my possessions and giving them to the poor. Yes, this may get more difficult if those around me begin to challenge me- but what then? Probably not much. Because really, head covering is an easy command in terms of what I have been asked to sacrifice in light of the gospel. I hope that my obedience with something small will give God confidence in my ability to play an even larger part in His great story- in that hope I find great joy.